Awkward Moment

I was getting ready to leave the restaurant after a birthday dinner for a friend. I stopped off at the ladies' room for a quick moment before heading out the door. A lady came out of one of the stalls. Looking in the mirror she said "I'm such a mess today".  Jokingly I commented on my own "mess" and told her we should just blame it on today's rain. I hadn't picked up on her emotional state until she turned to me and said she buried a friend today. She was a bit distraught. WOH!

A moment of awkwardness.

What do I say? What do I do? How should I react? I don't know this woman. But I had a greater sense (a God moment, perhaps) that I should just be still for this woman. Simply just be. So I stood there and I listened to her as she began to tell me a little bit about this man who passed away and how he had always been kind to her. It was difficult to follow what she was saying, it was as if she was just talking aloud and I was there. So she continued and I listened. Tears rolled down her face. She appeared numb and she said she had no idea how she was going to live the rest of her life with this burden. I didn't understand what that burden was but clearly she had a history with the person and some of her story expressed drama. She shared with me that she'd been in an abusive relationship previously and then something about this man who died. Her story wasn't clear to me but it was clearly to me her heart was conflicted and broken.

Oh, what I wanted to say. Oh, what I didn't have the courage to say. Oh, what I wasn't sure to say. I wanted to give her a hug. I wanted to tell her about Him. I told her it's so difficult to lose someone we care about and I'm so sorry to hear of her loss.

I gently gave her a shoulder pat (pseudo hug, right?) and expressed my condolences again.

She asked me what my name was and I asked for hers. Her name was Louisa.

A human moment, a God moment, a shared moment. All I could do was express kindness and listen.
Louisa, you are in my prayers tonight. Only One can heal your broken heart.

Love in the little moments

Today was the loveliest of days. It was busy but nothing extraordinary today. There were lots of events planned for today, all scheduled back to back. I was anticipating it to be a whirlwind sort of day but to my surprise there were so many little moments that caught me by surprise, reminding me that I am loved.

• A hike through the woods. A little blue jay, most magnificent in color, entertained me as it bounced around looking for food.
• Reminder of God's intentions. Ecclesiastes 7:29
• A friend passed over a parking spot and gave it to me.
• The little nephew shared his blue crayon with me.
• Rum-Nutmeg-Gingersnap and cruncy peanut butter ice cream in an ice cream cone coated with chocolate.
• Deep dish pizza. YOM!
• A friend came over and walked my dog for me.
• Hugs from friends.
• My brother asking me how I'm doing and what's new in my life.
• From my garage as I got out of the car, I could hear the excited whines and paw tapping on the floor above me. My pup was excited I came home.

A good day indeed!

Happy New Year 2012

2011 turned out to be a satisfying year for me.

Not gonna lie, life is sometimes REALLY hard to live. I have problems, weaknesses, issues, etc. just like everyone else. My list of faults is long, so far from "perfect". But between the nooks and crannies of "life" I am living. I am happier and living more fully.

Relationships.
I've been working hard on myself to be more authentic, assertive, and centered. There have been some relationships that I've simply had to let go of because they were either no longer beneficial to living a healthy life. And others I've had to open communication with them to adjust them. It's been really hard to do but taking those risks has made me a happier person.

Spirituality.
My faith gets stronger. I've been blessed with a loving church community. I've been surrounded by a group of women that are forgiving and caring. Being a part of their lives and having them in mine has been healing. God has placed me in uncomfortable situations while serving those in my community who are in need but I have been humbled through them and my heart is even bigger than it was a year ago. He is good!

Crafting.
My year has been full of creativity at so many levels. I've continued to surround myself with creative people who inspire me. This creative community is also social, bringing into my life new friendships that have filled my days with laughter and great conversation.

365 Project.
Perhaps this has been my most life changing endeavor of the year. I write much about it in my 365 project blog (http://365project.org/julz) but overall I have proven to myself that I have great discipline to see myself through a project from beginning to end. I have learned to accept that sometimes perfection just can't happen. The task must be done (good or bad). I have been creatively, technically, and humanly challenged through this project. This project has humbled me but filled me with so much gratitude for what God has blessed me with in my life. In many fold, this project has changed me. I am for the better.

2011 ended in peace. The days leading up to the new year I witnessed beauty of the human soul (my niece), the brokenness of a friend losing a loved one, the joy in my little nephews laugh, the forgiveness over broken relationships, the relief in an old lady's face as she was comforted by the sweetness of my dog, the delight that comes from companionship between girl friends. My heart is grateful for all that is in my life right now. It's not perfect. And in many ways it's not even great. But, there is peace and there is grace.

For that, I thank God.

2012 is bound to be another adventure. I turn 40 this coming year. I am excited but also woeful. What does this mean to turn 40? It's a number, indeed. But, it's a milestone; an opportunity for reflection and change. There is anticipation and joy.

Cheers to 2012. May the year be filled with good news, resolution, change, and good health. Cheers!

What's Inspiring Me Now?

I feel like I'm constantly being inspired by everyday things, whether it be people, things I hear or see, something I smell, a hug, a thank you.  It's all about the moment.  Unfortunately, I think of how I'm inspired at that moment but by the time I get home and want to capture it in a card or a photograph or in writing I've either forgotten or the subject is no longer at my finger tips.  Don't you ever wish you could have a hard drive that connects to your brain so you could download and save for later?

At the moment, I'm inspired by the women in my small groups.  I belong to two and everytime I meet with them I am refueled with hope, reminded how amazing God's love is for us. Its the way they live out God in their lives that inspires me. I feel His love in the growing relationships with these women, empowered to get deeper in faith and to know Jesus more.  This is my praise for this week. 

Thank you, Lord, for planting these new women friends into my life.  These small groups have been an answer to prayer!  Amen.

I can't wait to see how this might inspire my art.

The Artist Circle: Arise, My Pieces

In a previous post I shared a bit about this art show that I was involved in.  Here are photos of the pieces I created for the exhibit.

"Praying For You" Cards

This set of cards has been on my mind for awhile now.  I've been wanting to make them for a specific person in my life.  For this blog post, I'm going to call her Sunshine to protect her privacy.  With her birthday coming up, it seemed a good opportunity to create a card set that she can share with special women in her life who might be in need of prayer. 

Although I've never really told her this before, she was one of the pivotal people in my life that drew me closer to Christ.  I was just a teeny bopper at the time.  As we all know, those years can sometimes make or break a person.  From the inside I felt incredibly broken, emotional, and lost.  She came into my life through my brother and as I got to know her I began to see God in a different way.  As a Catholic, I only knew God through the priest but through her I learned that one can have a personal relationship with Him. This is not a reflection on Catholic beliefs but rather a description of my own path in following Christ.

It all started with Sunshine and Amy Grant.  Sunshine loved to sing and her passion was contagious..  If my memory serves me correctly, I think Sunshine sang in church but she also sang in something like a glee club or performance choir.  As a "Glee" wannabe, this intrigued me.  I admired this talent of hers.  It just happened that Amy Grant was one of her favorites.  Through her I slowly became familiar with Amy Grant's music, never knowing that Christian music could sound like any other popular top 40 song on the radio. I learned every song on Amy's "The Collection" album and played it over and over.  The song lyrics brought me comfort and encouragement.  Her voice was an inspiration. I began to reflect on my own faith and what I believed in; drawing closer to God.  The Collection remains one of my all-time favorite albums.

There was also something different about Sunshine than I had ever known.  She loved the Lord in a personal way.  As I got to know her over the years and often followed her to church on Sundays, my relationship with Him began to change as well.  Who knew you could have a personal relationship with him.  The first time I prayed with her I actually cried.  I had never experienced anything like it.  They were partially tears of fear but also curiosity.  What does praying like this mean?  I didn't understand, but I learned.  I learned about the power of prayer.  To me, prayer is a beautiful way to have a relationship with God.  Now, I am often moved and healed in when in prayer.

Since all those many years ago, I have grown deeper in my walk.  Her faith inspired me and now I walkwith Him.  Life is FAR from perfect, filled with pit holes, bumps, and scratches, but because I know Him and continue to know myself better through Him, each day is hopeful and when I lean on Him I know that everything will be ok.

So, these cards were inspired by and made for Sunshine.  I keep her in my prayers.

The Artist Circle: ARISE

The Artist Circle at my church (Resonate) has come to an end.  We reached our final goal of creating and sharing our artwork with the church public and beyond.  We redesigned our church space" into an art gallery.  Mind you, my church is located at an elementary school's multi-purpose room (gym).  [Church in a gym?  In California, real estate is incredibly expensive so the reuse of existing buildings is often used by churches.] The space was transformed into an interactive space where people could experience God's love and desires for us through the art we created.  Each artist had their own style but all the pieces were centered on the word of God.  AWESOME!  Our focus was on Ephesians 1-3.  We called the show ARISE!

Come

Welcome

ARISE

Sample of Exhibits

An onlooker takes a moment to observe my display of photographs.

[Artwork by members of the Artist Circle @ Resonate Movement Church.  Artwork shown is only a sample of exhibits being shown.  Photographs by Grason Ott. August 2010]

My Exhibit
Ephesians 1:11-12In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.


Ephesians 3:16-17
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

Title:  PURPOSEFUL intention

Artist Statement:
You walk down the street or go about your day and pause to consider “Why am I here in life right now”?  Thoughts, actions, words, things that I see or say cause me to pause and reflect. Reflections of who we are, who we have become, how we are perceived is all around us; screaming from billboard signs off the freeway or subtly whispering to us through the trees. Sometimes I wonder “is this who we are? Is this what we are meant to be? What is the intention behind this? Is there a purpose to this?”.

These photographs are a moment in life; each taken with reflection and wonder. The painted borders and backgrounds reflect the emotions evoked by what is seen. Colors were intentionally chosen to complement emotion and texture behind the images. From our darkness of sin into the lightness of hope, we can consider more fully how we might praise him and how he has worked in us the purposes for his will. We have been chosen. We are his.

The Artist Circle

The Artist Circle is a small group at my church that meets once a week.  It is comprised of artsy people ranging from sculptors, songwriters, musicians, painters, cardmakers, sewers, poets, and other art mediums.  This group just started a few weeks ago and the plan is to meet for 6 weeks.  Hopefully, this small group will continue beyond that but this is the initial effort.  Not sure what we will be like eventually, but for now we are making time in our lives to create art and to be inspired by His word.

First goal: An art show at the end of August. 

I suppose I would consider myself a closeted artist, never having had professional training in my craft(s).  But, when creating something, I get into this passionate groove. None of it feels like work and I sometimes get so immersed in what I'm doing, the hours have passed by.  Perhaps this is my purpose; what I was created to do.

It will be interesting to see how The Artist Circle will impact my creativity or artistic efforts as I move forward.

The questions now is "What am I going to do for this art show?".

God Has a Better Voice than "Darth Vader"

A few weeks ago, I had a God experience.  I believe He was "speaking to me", trying to get my attention.  Hearing God's voice rarely happens to me but this one seemed profound and quite LOUD.  For those of you who are not Christians, hearing God's voice doesn't mean that I hear James Earl Jones' voice (think Darth Vader's booming vocal tone) speaking from the clouds and me speaking back up to the sky in response.  Rather it's quiet, often heard when still and silent, and subtle like a nudge on your shoulder or the repetition of a thought that is beyond what is worldly understood.

For the last few years, thanks to encouraging feedback, I have been daydreaming about taking the craftiness to the next level; a business perhaps? 

One evening as I was daydreaming about this idea I reminded myself that whatever I end up doing, the foundation of my business and my work would be God centered.  Not to say that my products would be Christian products, but the intentions behind my creations would be heartfelt and ignite hope and compassion.  As I grow in my faith and understanding of Christ, I hope to resonate in my interactions with others whether in person, via the internet, or through my creations His love. 

I started praying for a Bible verse that would reflect these foundations and what I hope for in my greeting cards, the first products I plan to release.  In my prayers, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 came to me.  I actually don't remember how I came to this verse and it's not a verse I knew well so I can only lift it up to the Lord that He had led me here. It's perfect for my cards.  Having gone through different season myself and being in one that is quite challenging right now, this verse really spoke to me.  I decided to keep it in mind and pray about it because surely other verses will come to me in the coming days.

That Sunday, I went to church and one of the first things my pastor said to the congregation was "Today, I want you to reflect on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8..." My ears perked up like a dog hearing the word TREAT. Did he just say what I thought he said? That's the same verse?  God, are you speaking to me? Is this meant to be 'my verse'?  So, I thought, no no it MUST be a coincidence. 

Mind you, in all these crafty daydreams my desire to develop my creative self has been very strong.  There's something to this side of me that I haven't really explored.  As well, I've been feeling somewhat lost, particularly in terms of the work I do in life.  What is my purpose?

So, my pastor continued on with his message (Ephesians was going to be our new series).  At the end of the service, an announcement was made. "The Artist Circle was being formed and would begin this week."  The ears perk up again.  Seriously?  Pastor, seriously.  God, are you playing with me or are you really trying to tell me to pay attention to this creative side of me.  Maybe I'm reading into it but this was too many "signs" to let something like this go.

The artist circle is a group of creative and artistic people who gather as a small group with the intention of creating art (wether it be visual arts, music, etc.) through and for Christ. Being new to this church, it's also a prayer answered to find a small group community to belong to.  And thus, I join and begin to seek out who God has intended in me to be.  Perhaps, I am meant to be an artist.

God, you are so good!

Faith

I am a Christ follower. Christ is a mover and a shaker.  He is the prodigal Son of God.  His amazing work inspires me every day to live my life more and more for good.  Through his example, I am humbled and encouraged to do what God created me to be and do (Psalm 139). I have spent so much of my life dreaming, imagining, desiring.  So many days lost in my thoughts, wishing. The purpose of the blog is not only to share my passion for creativity but to keep myself accountable to be sure that I am doing and living what I dream.

I recently listened to a podcast sermon from Erwin McManus.  He spoke about taking action in your life and living like it matters.  "Focus on the process, not just the outcome.  Focus on the cause, not just the affect.  Realize that everything happens for a reason.  So, affect the reason they happen." -Erwin McManus (Mosaic Church, 5.16.10)

Are you doing what you were created to do?  I challenge myself and you, today, to live our lives like they matter.

I believe. I am blessed. I am loved. I have hope. Therefore, I do.